i forgot i even had this blog. what a revelation to read my posts from 4 years ago when i originally tried to become a "runner." i've taken down all my old posts but have included the text of them all at the end of this post. my thoughts on life and running were so unhealthy back then. i do agree with about 20% of what i wrote then but the true feelings behind it weren't genuine or coming from a good state of mind. it's sad how much i wanted to prove to everyone and i think mostly to myself that i had no expectations trying to begin running. clearly i did have them and failed to meet them...and that's ok. you always have some expectation - speed, endurance, weight loss, a killer body... it doesn't matter. at the back of your mind you have a set expectation. the difference for me this time is that my expectation was failure. after my horribly failed attempt 4 years ago, the idea that i could have the endurance to run more than 2 miles was ludicrous. however, on my first attempt with my dear friend d'nice we completed a 5k! granted we didn't run the entire distance picking a spot in the distance to run to then walk for a bit and run to the next spot. but i can tell you that i felt on top of the world that day. i, elisa beeson failed runner, had completed a 5k. i have run almost every day since. that was in march of this year. just this week i ran 13 mi on sunday, 8 mi on wednesday, 9 mi on thursday, 10 mi on friday, and plan to run 14 tomorrow with my runner in crime lisa. run them. not walk, not run/walk. a mental block was lifted that day in march by endorphins, a higher power, the thought of turning 30 this year, lack of oxygen...i don't know. i've come to realize that my mind was the only thing holding me back before and now that something in me has been freed i no longer see a limit but see the possibility to continually grow. don't unintentionally set limits for yourself. you can do anything. it may take time, but you're already well on your way. In words of my favorite podcast..."now get out and run!"
past posts:
october 10th, 2008
so i am going to start things off on the proverbial right foot this time. no expectations or disillusions of speed and endurance. no goals, except for the goal of making running a part of my everyday life. no training for a race that may or may not happen. just dedicating time everyday to run. i hope to chronicle my running in an attempt to learn from my past mistakes and move forward on this journey in life.
"Running is a lot like life. Only 10 percent of it is exciting. 90 percent of it is slog and drudge."
- Dave Bedford
october 10th, 2008
mood before: sleepy but wanting to get on the treadmill
time: 6.30 am
intensity: walk
duration: 30 min
mileage: 1.4 miles
mood after: energized
october 11th, 2008
mood before: excited and ready
time: 8.00 am
intensity: run/walk 1:2
duration: 36 min
mileage: 2 miles
mood after: accomplished and sweaty
october 12th, 2008
rest day
mood: slightly guilty
october 13th, 2008
mood before: tired and a little resistant
time: 6.30 am
intensity: run/walk 2:1
duration: 33 min
mileage: 2 miles
mood after: accomplished and sweaty
Monday, October 13, 2008
i know, i know
i've told myself time and time again - no expectations of grandeur this time ok?!?! but, nevertheless, i seem to find myself thinking way out at the big picture at what i hope to be able to do one day. which, may or may not be possible or probable. i typically shoot down all of shane's big grand ideas because, typically, i see all the tiny steps to get there and know (or presume to know) that he will give up or that the outcome of the all steps together doesn't justify the results of all the little ones in between. but now, i am realizing that maybe i'm wrong in all my assessments of his big grand ideas. maybe the little steps i see in his big plans aren't the little steps he'll actually take. maybe he will do things differently than i expect and the sum of the whole will be equal to the sum of the parts. what i'm trying to say is that through running i'm realizing that the small steps i take 6 out of 7 days a week count just as much as being able to run, say, 25 miles a week - that each of my little steps that i take may or may not add up to what i think the outcome will be.
i ran 2 miles today - well run/walked 2 miles - it took me 33 minutes. that is slow by anyone's standards. BUT, i realized that speed doesn't count/matter. i still got out there and did it. i'm not ever going to win a race or set a world record. my true goal is to be able to do this running thing - and guess what i already am doing it. the time dedicated to running is more important than some distance or speed goal that i think i should be able to do someday. i just want running to be a part of my everyday life regardless of how many miles it actually puts on my shoes. right now, the dedication to get up early and run is enough and i'm ok with the idea that maybe that is all i will ever be up for. one day at a time determining to run.
i read the book No Need For Speed by John Bingham and he outlines the cycle of inspiration and loss of interest or disappointment that usually happens when you don't see the celebration in the activity you're setting out to do. his solution is to find the joy in every run...no matter how small. He says you should think like this: Inspiration, Dedication, Perspiration, and Celebration - that way the cycle is just that, a cycle. when inspiration dies, like it inevitably will, the celebration of each run, finding the joy therein, will raise up new inspiration. this cycle isn't vicious - it's life giving.
october 14th, 2008
mood before: sleepy and guilty it's a walking day - but knowing you have to walk before you can run sometimes
time: 6.30 am
intensity: walk
duration: 30 min
mileage: 1.5 miles
mood after: pumped for the day
october 15th, 2008
mood before: ready
time: 6.30 am
intensity: run/walk 3:1
duration: 33 min
mileage: 2 miles
mood after: tired - bummed i didn't finish as strong as i started and bummed that i go on vacation today and may or may not be able to exercise while i am gone
october 21st, 2008
mood before: refreshed from sleeping in
time: 7.30 am
intensity: walk
duration: 30 min
mileage: 1.66 miles
mood after: good, pumped, sweaty
october 22nd, 2008
mood before: not feeling well
time: 6.30 am
intensity: run/walk 3:1
duration: 15 min
mileage: 1.3
mood after: sick as a dog - bummed i only did 15 min
october 23rd, 2008
mood before: a little embarrassed as joey had the spent the night...
time: 6.30 am
intensity: run/walk 2:1 - recovery from yesterday
duration: 33 min
mileage: 2 miles
mood after - sweaty and feeling better about the actual run... and glad joey left before i was done
october 24th, 2008
mood before: grumpy
time: 6.30 am
intensity: full intention of a run/walk of 3:1 - acutality: run/walk for 10 min then walked the rest
duration: 25 min
mileage: 1.5 miles
mood after: disappointed with myself that i didn't push harder
Friday, October 24, 2008
it's starting again
yep...self doubt, shame, blah blah blah...
i think i need a constant reminder that IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE A GOOD RUNNING DAY! i will not forever ruin myself if one day i have a bad run. i try to tell myself that i am an individual my progress will be different than someone else's, but i still have doubt about my ability. maybe my motives are wrong, i dunno! but i'm trying to pick my head up and keep going...a week off at the beginning of getting back into running is bound cause a set back...duh! come on lis...put on your shoes and get going!
october 25th, 2008
mood before: ready
time: 8:00 am
intensity: run/walk 3:1
duration: 30 min
mileage: 1.8 miles
october 28th, 2008
mood before: ambivalent
time: 6.30 am
intensity: walk
duration: 30 min
mileage: 1.62 miles
mood after: still ambivalent
mood after: cramping in my side - but glad i stuck it out as long as i did...i felt great - more like amazing - for the first 2/3 of the run
october 27th, 2008
mood before: could not believe that it was 6.30 already
time: 6.30 am
intensity: run/walk 4:1, 3:1, 2:1
duration: 25 min
mileage: 1.6 miles
mood after: considering going slower on my pace/distance improvment - master 3:1 the whole 30 min before upping the ratio
